The reason I've been putting this off was because I couldn't decide what to start with. And I dont mean what post to start with, I meant what part of my life to start with. I am not old ; far from it, but I believe that I have morphed into so many personalities before finally starting to feel like I am close to finding who I really am (so cliche I know).
Okay then, lets start from the beginning, I was born 21 years ago in a fairly middle class family.
And I was the first and the last child, which has been one of the key factors in making me who I am.
As a toddler and a child I was quiet, never seeking any company, and truthfully, avoiding it. If that time was anything like today, my parents would have thought I was autistic bordering on ADHD, but I was just a born introvert. I was that kid who was annoyingly compliant and obedient. There are definitely no amusing stories of mischief to be told. And while that did win me a lot of favour from adults, kids just plain,well, hated me. People's parents would quote me as an example when they would see their kids be idiots, and honestly that ruined any of my chances of having 'friends'. There was an untold rule of always making me feel like an outsider because of that.
That never really bothered me because all I ever wanted to do was read books and make up stories and re-enact them with my Barbie.
Then I hit puberty. Well, physically atleast. And that didnt really become a huge issue of any sort but I did start to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, because I thought puberty was nature's way of telling me I was an adult now. That sense of taking unnecessary responsibility has been one of the reasons I went through depression for some time in my life. I was 12 at the time.
A while later my parents went through a rough patch and I was left scarred, They never knew that I knew, to them I was a 14 year old loving her life, but I sensed it, In the way they would speak to each other, the cold tones, the restrained glances, the sharp sarcasm guised as a joke, the tension in the air.
I love my parents like no other entity on this planet and I never will, and when I saw my mother cry in the kitchen at nights, I would just fall apart, Hence began my swift descent into depression. The details of what i went through are a new story for a new day but what is important is that i was suicidal for most of my teen years.
I had attended school( a private one), and college near my home. But things changed when I moved away to attend med school in another city. My depression did stop me from getting into my dream school but I still got into a decent one.
And thus began my true journey of self actualization, and my claim to a normal existence.
Now that deserves a few posts of its own.
